In my life, as a mother I am privileged to be the mother of a six year old boy, Aanas. It has been a lot of love, struggle, learning, and transformation for both him and me The way I could parent has changed so much as I gained more knowledge about my son and myself, and figured out how to support his individuality while helping him make proper choices.
This is my story of parenting as a wife and a mother Ayesha and It pictures the kind of relationship I share with my family, the lessons I have learnt in parenting, and my relationship with Aanas.
The Early Days: The Management of Uncertainty
Now, when they first turning into a mom like many women I was happy but at the same time I had some questions. That’s when I decided I wanted to be the best mother a child could ever have, even though I could not explain what it meant specifically. All the initial months seemed to be literally a process of initiation right from handling a crying baby, to feeding him properly, putting him to sleep and even trying to figure out what he was trying to tell us.
Luckily I had my husband who has been supporting and accompanying me throughout this whole process. I believe we have also learnt how to be supportive of each other as partners as well as parents of our children. It was always a source of strength that he and I have viewed things differently; whereas I remained fairly cautious in those years, he supported me to rely on Aanas’s insights and skills. That balance has been important in determining how we parent our children.
Discovering Our Parenting Style: Authoritative, yet still has flexibility.
As the days passed by, I gained more confidence on my ability to become a good mother and it just dawn on me that there is no one right way to parent. All children are different and all families are different. What I learned was that effective parenting involved having a plan but also being able to be more free-wheeling with children while also being disciplinary while at the same time promoting autonomy.
I could identify with the authoritative approach of parenting which provides rules and guidance alongside affection and warmth.
Most probably, following independence children should be responsible and be able to solve problems on their own and stand for themselves as well. For example, if Aanas starts throwing temper tantrums as many six years old do, I attempt to show him that it is alright that he feels that way though we cannot let him continue acting that way. I will bend down to his level, hug him and tell him that I know he is angry and then proceed to tell him why his behavior is bad. It ‘s about finding the balance between being firm but fair.
But at the same time, I’ve learnt to be flexible. Sometimes I need to forget all of the patterns that I have learned and focus on what Aanas is trying to tell me not only with the words that he uses but also his body language and emotional state. As every child grows, they have stages they go through and it is at this time when they need to get more attention, understanding perhaps, or they should be allowed to run some risks and learn from such. The process of parenting like childhood is always dynamic in nature which changes over the course of time.
Embracing Aanas’s Unique Personality
Of all the is wonderful part of bringing up a child, one of the joys that parents get is seeing their child’s character blossom. Ever since the child could open his eyes and begin to utter his first words, it was clear that Aanas is independent and very curious for his age, and with a lively temper. He is an explorer, a discoverer, a problem-solver, and thus a questioner – and whatever he is, he does to the tune of entertaining the whole family tremendously.
Being a mother it has been important for me to encourage his curiosity as well as ensuring that he is well in a position to know the limits. I let him do what he wants and try to teach him as much as possible about the environment and people around him but I make sure that he is polite and that he does not hurt anyone. He is six years old now and as far as I am concerned he is at the best age when he does not know the difference between reality and dream and his spirits is high.
My husband and I always try to cultivate this independence in her as well. We offer him options on what we do in the morning, for instance, helping him to select his clothes for the day or the game to be played in the evening after school. This makes him to feel that he is in charge and can handle things on his own but at the same time, we make sure that he is making these choices within the necessary limits that will make him learn on how to be responsible.
For example, there is always a routine for bedtime, use of electronic devices, and doing homework, but he has some level of choices within them. It is all about leading him to the right decision, yet let him do what he wants, due to the fact that he is an individual. Actually, I’ve discovered that it is beneficial to allow him have his way every now and then to build up his confidence and come up with solutions on his own.
Very often the strategic routines of successful firms can vary greatly from those of the average organization.
Schedules have been part of our philosophy of parenting. Responsibility is the need thought of children and it has been evident that Aanas needs to have an idea of what will happen next. This is specifically true on the having of a fixed timetable and wake up-sleep timetable during the day to assuage his fears and anxiety. This does not imply that each and every day is planned in advance although having some predictable activities such as the meal time, homework time and even evening routines can be really comforting for him.
But while routine is key, we do not live by the clock strictly, we make sure that we have our bouts of word-of-the-day moments too. Sometimes you just sit down and wake up only to go out with the family as you pick the normal working day routine. Whether it is a walk in the park or a weekend break, such occasions let us spend time with the family and also give Aanas new experiences. Life is all about balance and this is what we strive to incorporate to the life of our beloved child.
Learning from Mistakes: There is a part of His as well as Mine in it.
Like any parent, I am not infallible and I have my fair share of moments of weakness or doubt and there were times when I wished I could turn back time to spare my child a few moments where I was not at my best – when I verbally lost my cool during a tantrum or when I had that doubtful un-motherly thought of ‘maybe I shouldn’t have let him to do that’. However that is something I have learned over the years that is part of being a good parent : is to learn from those moments and teach the child that it is okay to make mistakes.
Whenever I am in a position to offend her or make a wrong decision I ensure that I correct myself and explain to Aanas. I am sorry if you able to read my comments, and felt that I was too crude or estimated something wrong. I would like him to understand that failure is ok as what counts is how one reacts to failure. In this way, I want to show him that it is better to be honest and humble as well as to improve oneself.
In the same vain I allow him to make own mistakes. In case it is lack of memory and failure to do something or making a wrong choice in the game I also realized that it is important to let him learn the result of his mistake in a safe and friendly environment.
Conclusion: Parenting as an Ongoing Journey
Frantically breastfeeding, picking up diapers, and changing Aanas has been the most fulfilling experience of my life. Each day has its learning, difficulty and something to be happy about. I tend to be very affectionate, and set boundaries for my child, and at the same time nurture, and be open-minded as well as have faith in my child. Nevertheless, the Aanas’s family does not stop its development and I realize that my behavior as a parent will also change as well as my child. What doesn’t change, however, is the love I have for him and the goal of making him a happy, progressive, and fearful of nothing boy.
So, in short, there is no rule that parents have to be perfect while raising their children. The thing is to be receptive, want to learn, and always put child first in the things you do. Looking into the future years of this journey I am looking forward to see what is in store for us next.
