As mothers, we forget what it means to care for ourselves and serve everyone else first, keeping our children’s schedules, managing domestic tasks, and juggling careers or other undertakings. The mere thought of self-care appears to be a distant desire. However, from the perspective of a mother of a 6-year-old son, Aanas, I have learned that taking time for myself is not a luxury—it is a necessity. Self-care is not selfish, it is something one must do to stay well for the family and to be able to take care of them.
In this blog, I aim to document my journey with self-care, the lessons I have learned, and some practical self-care tips that I have discovered over the years. Like many mothers, I have grapples with the mother’s guilt that comes with using ‘me time’, but I have also discovered that I am a better mother, wife, and person when I take care of myself.
Importance of Self-Care As a new parent, I didn’t even consider self-care as an option. Like almost every new mom, my world revolved around the baby. I was busy trying to get accustomed to life with an infant and all the changes motherhood brings with it. In short, I completely neglected myself, and it wasn’t long before I started noticing the repercussions, both physical and mental. Chronic fatigue, unending stress, and sleep deprivation became a way of life.
In conjunction with Aanas’s aging, I understood that I could no longer give from an empty cup. If I hoped to show up for him and the rest of my family, self-care became a necessity. Self-care doesn’t have to mean elaborate resort getaways or spa days (although that is wonderful when the opportunity does arise). It can be as easy as taking small moments during the day to nurture, recharge, and refocus.
When I focus on self-care, I have more energy, increased stamina, and greater emotional robustness. I am less reactive, more observant, and handle parenting challenges better. With the help of self-care, my son is learning valuable life lessons too. Prioritizing mental wellness, self-love, and balance shows him that self-care is essential.
Letting Go of Guilt
Disproportionate guilt is often cited as an obstacle for moms when gaging self-care. Moms often have to grapple with the guilt of spending “me” time at the gym when children are at home, or guilt when they take time to relax- ‘there is so much to be done!’ We assume that being busy is the new buzzword, however, self-care also counts as a productive task. If a mother is balanced, calm, well-rested and attuned to her self needs, she’ll be able to engage and fulfill the myriad demands that parenting brings.
It took time for the guilt to vanish, but I now realize it is best when I am happy and healthy. The benefits definitely outweighs the cost. The quality of our playtime improves significantly, I’m more patient during his tough days which makes him far less whiny and annoyed. Tips for Self-Care for Mothers
As a mother to a 6-year-old, life is always busy, but it is possible to make time for self-care. Here are self-care tips that other mothers can also practice alongside their daily tasks:
1. Set Aside Time for Yourself, Even if It’s Just a Few Minutes
Mothers especially tend to struggle with finding time in their day for self-care, but ‘self-care’ doesn’t necessarily mean having hours of free-time. Self-care can be easily achieved by simply a meditating, journaling, or quietly sipping tea at the start or end of the day, even if it’s for just 10-15 minutes. I personally love starting my day off calm, as it helps set the tone for the rest of the day.
If mornings are busy, try looking for free time throughout the day. I like to read or do short stretching exercises when Aanas is preoccupied with activities, and it helps me a lot. Self-care does not have to take up a lot of time to be effective.
2. Prioritize Sleep
Sleep is very important to an individual’s health because it helps them physically and mentally. However, it is usually the very first thing people sacrifice whenever they are busy with work and parenting. From experience, when I have not had enough sleep, everything feels more challenging: my level of stamina feels very low, stress shoots up, and even the smallest of gaps appear very difficult to cross. Now, I try to follow a consistent sleep schedule and make sure that my evenings have a relaxing ritual to help me calm down. This is not as easy as it sounds when life gets busy, but in my experience, sleep makes an incredible amount of difference with respect to one’s feeling the next day.
3. Move Your Body
One doesn’t need to hit the gym to exercise because any form of self-care is beneficial. Going out for a walk, dancing around the living room with your child, or yoga are also very helpful. Self-care has become synonymous with visiting spas, relaxing by the pool, or taking a little vacation, but exercising is arguably the best example. As physical exercise helps alleviate stress, exercises not only improve one’s mood, but their energy levels as well.
Including my son in various physical activities has proven to be an excellent bonding experience as well as a chance for both of us to stay active. We could take a walk in the park, go bike riding, or even play tag. It allows both of us to enjoy ourselves while giving me the opportunity to exercise and spend quality time with him.
4. Establish Limits and Refuse
As mothers, we frequently experience pressure to say “yes” to everything, including playdates, school commitments, and family duties. However, one of the most important aspects of self-care is learning to say “no.” Setting limits and putting your own health first are acceptable. For me, this has meant turning down commitments or activities that don’t fit with my family’s needs or that feel too much.
Establishing limits also affects how we spend our time at home. Sometimes it’s about allowing yourself to relax and turning off the distractions, like the never-ending to-do list or the incessant social media scrolling. Laundry can wait. Your health can’t.
5. Seek Assistance
It can be challenging to ask for assistance, particularly if we’re accustomed to handling everything ourselves. However, identifying when we require assistance is a component of self-care. Remembering that you don’t have to do everything by yourself is crucial, whether that means asking your partner to take over bedtime routines, assigning chores, or hiring a babysitter to give you some alone time.
I’ve come to realise that my spouse and I are co-parents, and that delegating tasks to each other benefits both of us. I can refuel and return to my family feeling more involved and present when I ask for assistance.
6. Take Care of Your Interests
Being a mother is a wonderful journey, but it’s also critical to keep your identity separate from motherhood. One of the most important aspects of self-care is making time for your own interests and passions. Making time to engage in your favourite activity, whether it be writing, painting, cooking, or any other pastime that makes you happy, can be immensely satisfying.
Writing has always been a way for me to express myself and think about myself. Writing allows me to process my ideas and re-establish a connection with myself, whether I’m journaling or working on a creative project.
In conclusion, embrace self-care guilt-free. Taking care of oneself is not selfish; rather, it is necessary. Mothers give so much of themselves to their families, but we must also remember to replenish our own cups as we go. Self-care is a powerful way to make sure that we can be fully present for both ourselves and our children, whether that means setting aside time each day to recharge, asking for help when necessary, or making sleep and exercise a priority.
I’ve discovered that accepting self-care guilt-free has made me a happier, more contented person in addition to being a better mother. And my whole family gains from that. To all mothers worldwide, keep in mind that you are also deserving of love, care, and attention. It is not only acceptable, but also essential to take time for oneself.
